We all experience stress. That is a given. I think there are levels of stress and different stages in life. Stress for the kindergartener could be having to tie their shoes at class today and they don’t know how to do that. I bring that up because it happened to me. I thought the world was going to fall apart. Luckily, a girl friend showed me a Q&D (quick and dirty) way to tie my shoes and I passes! Phew!

Today I have a great example of Mid-life stress that I didn’t handle all that well. It seems at mid-life we have more and compounded duties. I’m in a business challenge at the moment. Day 1 to be exact.  I’m trying to work in a new system. I have a new VA who is getting oriented to my systems. She needs to make some changes for me. Working on blogs for the next several weeks. I do pieces of my husband’s business. Today, he is committed to getting all the tax pieces together, for which I am grateful. The printer is not working. It feels like I am getting loaded with work I can’t handle today, and I haven’t been very clear on my needs and what I can/can’t do to help. Not a great way to start the week. Can you relate?

How often have you felt stressed because something didn’t go the way you expected it to? It’s probably happened more than once. One of the greatest expectations that people share is that life should follow a particular course. However, the expectations set are sometimes unrealistic and can cause a great deal of stress.

When you have unrealistic expectations, you want to see the results you hope for rather than the results that are often before you. But life doesn’t always give you what you expectation. Plans go awry. When this happens, you may feel disappointed, sad, or even depressed because the expectations that initially seemed so real at first were never fulfilled.

To avoid the anxiety and stress of unmet expectations, learn how to take life as it comes and live in the here and now. Of course, you can’t control what will happen tomorrow or next week, so instead of thinking about the expectations you have for your future, focus on living today.

Going with the flow sounds “like pie in the sky” if you will. Specially, when our lives are integrated with others, spouses, the boss, work group and so forth. We all have expectations. Some are our own expectations and others are placed on us.

High expectations are not always negative; in fact, they may help you achieve your goals and encourage you to reach new heights. However, expectations that you can’t fulfill, or think you can’t fill, can cause a lot of stress in your life and prevent you from living in the moment.

There are a couple of things that can help me out here, and you too. One, I need to take care of my emotions, so I don’t run over my partner. Two, I may need to address the expectation that I have on myself for today.

1. Dealing with strong emotions.

Boy, emotions can overwhelm you in a nano-second! Right. I use a Feel Good Life Method for emotions. First thing to is just stop. Don’t say anything. If you say anything in anger, you will probably have to clean up that mess. Next Breathe. Some slow deep breaths work well to create some distance between you and strong emotions. Next is do a Feel Good Habit which you can see below.

2. Keep expectations realistic

I don’t know about you, but I often have expectations that are too high or impossible to fulfill. If you have unrealistic expectations, it means it’s impossible to meet and will only lead to disappointment and stress. I might want to rethink the expectations I’ve put on myself. One of my weak points is that I have no sense of time. I think something should take me 5 minutes and in reality, it is 5 hours. Haha. I must factor that in. I often get opportunities to rethink my goals and expectations and make adjustments. In other words keep it real. Coaching can help with setting achievable goals and making progress. Just a thought.

3. Let unrealistic expectations go

Learn to recognize unrealistic expectations. When these expectations aren’t realistically achievable, you just have to let them go. That can be painful. Something that you hoped for and can’t do is frustrating and sad. When you finally get the courage to release this dream, you will have some grief work to do. Be compassionate with yourself.

4. Remember the positive aspects of life

Instead of focusing only on your expectations for life, it’s important that you focus on the positive aspects of life that you experience each day. You don’t need expectations to enjoy life; however, you do need gratitude to enjoy your life to its fullest. Just make it a point to see and accept things as they are. You know what “they say”. They say have patience. Personally, I’m not so good with that. But I can accept what is happening now. Then vicariously reach get to patience via the back door. When you can reframe today, life is easier.

5. Get a New Perspective Try Reframe

It’s beneficial to share your expectations with someone else. They may understand the expectations better and are able to help you identify whether they’re realistic or not. Share your expectations with someone you trust and who is knowledgeable about the topic. If the person has a different perspective that person may be able to help you adjust or improve your expectations.

I had a girlfriend, Sharon and we worked together for years. She was a great nurse, a great co-worked and a great friend. I’d have some disaster going (home, work, yada yada) and I’d share it with her. She had a way of using a slight and humorous reframe that would have me laughing, in tears. All of a sudden, the situation wasn’t as bad as I was experiencing it.

Whether it’s expectations at work, in your career, or expectations of yourself, learn how to reframe. This will help you manage them without letting them cause stress and anxiety.

6. Follow UP

I am going to follow this article up with a series on gratitude. My hope is that these will give you tools you can use and lift you up so you have a life of love and joy.

I would love to hear from you. How does this land? How are you dealing with expectations and stress you your life? Please write below.